but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
