The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
