u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
oh god the rape fog is back!
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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