Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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