apparently the secret to your success is patron
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
