I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
