I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
