I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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