You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
