bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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