I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
