I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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