I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
