good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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