how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
