Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
