Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
