I puked a lego.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
