The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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