I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
