margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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