see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
