you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
