I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Randomize
