I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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