I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
