what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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