I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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