Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
