yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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