Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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