i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
