Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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