You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
It's never too late to be topless.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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