David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize