paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I can't turn off my feet"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
