I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You brought string cheese to the strip club
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
