woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
