he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
