i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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