My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
