I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
