im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
