I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
