Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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