i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm sobbing to NWA
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
