hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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