The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
