I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
