took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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