Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
