One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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