He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize