So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
