i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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