I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
