I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
