dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
