Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
