Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
