Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
