Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You can't just leave with hair like that
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I party with great urgency now.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
