it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
True strength comes from lack of pants
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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