i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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