after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
