She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize