And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
