This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
