Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
