My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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