It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We left an ass print on the piano.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
